10 January 2006 - 6:44 pm

Add an entry to the list of things I never thought I'd do but allowed myself to be talked into and now really love: belly dancing. My friend called me yesterday morning and said, "Hey, come with me to this belly dancing class tonight, so I don't feel like a complete loser-nobody-newbie and if you don't love it, then I'll never ask you again, please please please." So I said sure, because I'm usually up to trying anything once and that's one of those things I've always wanted to try but never had the opportunity. We went, we shook, we shimmied, we had fun, and now I'm sore in parts of my body that I didn't know could be sore. And I'm looking for someplace in town that sells belly dancing coin belts and the like. If anyone knows of such a place in town, let me know.

Okay, here's the part of the entry when I usually tell you about something totally embarrassing or horrifying , etc., from my personal life. It'd lead in with something like, "You know, my friends are awful horrible people who like to see squirm in the most uncomfortable situations possible." But I don't even know how to wrap my head around what is it that I want to say. Short version: I went out to dinner with two of my friends almost a week ago, followed by coffee at the Starbucks at Barnes & Noble. We were talking about, mostly, my . . . social failings, let's say. For instance, my stellar record of utter humiliation with guys. My apparent inability to acknowledge the presence of others. My "strange" reactions to things. One of my friends likes to talk about things and say things that will push my buttons just to see my reaction. She jumps on and clings to uncomfortable topics and things that are, just simply, none of her fucking business just to get some kind of rise out of me. Like talking to me is a fucking psychology experiment. I'm offended by it. I mean, it hurts that one of my friends can't just chat with me without trying to manipulate me in some way, but I'm really more offended by it. The same way I'm offended by someone saying, "The woman's place is in the kitchen." It's the same kind of deep moral outrage at a fundamental flaw in the way someone thinks.

Am I crazy? Am I being too sensitive? Should I just ignore her in conversation? Tell her to shove it up her ass? Because I can't return fire--the girl is incapable of shame or embarrassment.

*sigh* I need to stop obsessing about this. It's not like there aren't other things I should be thinking about and doing. But I'm avoiding the other things I should be doing and am obsessing about this instead. (Of course, I've also been obsessing about the really random dream I had last night, but don't ask me about that--I'm not going to tell you.)

reflect - repent